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I’ve become increasingly conscious of a question (framed in a variety of ways) that some of my clients bring to coaching: ‘Who am I? Am I the person who currently shows up at work or is there a different ‘me’ inherent in the change I say I want? How can I be who I am?’

Two or three of my clients have even expressed anxiety at the possibility that if they worked towards the changes implied in achieving their coaching goals they would lose their identity – they would become someone else. Their concern over the implications of changing was existential: it threatened their perceptions of who they were, and they were nervous about not knowing who they might become.

It took the trust and safety inherent in our coaching relationship for them to feel able not only to contemplate changing but ultimately to embrace doing so.

The apparent risks of change
These clients became able to take the risk of changing – and they discovered that in changing they became even more of who they were, working to their strengths and their values to a greater degree than previously, and thus releasing their talent differently and more effectively.

What is identity?
It seems to me that these ‘reluctant changers’ had believed that it was their behaviour and their thinking patterns that defined who they were and that kept their identities safe. However this belief didn’t take account of what inherently and uniquely defines ‘self’: deeply held (and possibly unconsciously-held) values, natural talents, what they needed from their working environments and their lives more broadly if they were to thrive and feel fulfilled, their true places in the various sets of relationships that comprised their lives (i.e. their systems) and the impact of past experiences.

If they were to deliver their best they needed to at least start to explore some of these questions.

Identity and authenticity

This is illustrated neatly by my experience with a leader I’ve coached. He was struggling to settle in a new role and to establish an effective relationship with his new boss. He was keen to make a success of the role, but expressed reservations at the start of our work together about changing, in case he became someone other than who he perceived himself to be.

By the end of the coaching programme he had a much refined understanding of how and when he could bring more of his strengths, his natural talents and his values to work, of the relationship that he and his new boss were running, and how to manage it, and how to relate differently to his team members so as to release more of their talent.

Most importantly, he understood how to be authentic at work: how to be his true self while respecting the organisation’s values and culture, and working to the organisational requirements. He found a kind of peace that he also experienced as energising.

The link between behaviour and identity

Without such understanding, behavioural change is doomed to be shallow and shortlived – simply conscious behaviour changes or gestures with little supporting real motivation.

Behaviour doesn’t define identity: we all show up in multiple ways, depending on context. We all adapt to the different situations we find ourselves in.

Constellations
The constellations coaching that I bring to many coaching sessions enables clearer sight of behaviours and thinking patterns through the lens of the alignments that the client makes with messages or significant people whom they may be unconsciously loyal to: the message from a teacher who told them they were no good at maths, the psychological defences they’ve created to keep themselves safe from the pain of criticism, the alignment with a set of political beliefs that help them feel part of a group that is or was important to them.

What can sometimes be pure magic in constellations rests in their ability to illuminate what has previously been unclear or unexpressed, and the choices that then become apparent about whether to continue along a particular path or choose something more liberating.

And all with a deep respect for who the individual is and where their authenticity resides and can be released.

Photo by Andrei Zdetovetchi via Compfight

Identity and authenticity

For some people change appears unsafe because they fear they'll no longer be who they are. However, it's not behaviour or thinking patterns that define who we are. What inherently and uniquely defines ‘self’ are our deeply held (and possibly unconsciously-held) values, our natural talents, and what we need from our environments if we are to thrive. We each need to understand our true place in the various sets of relationships that comprise our lives - in other words, our systems. Constellations can help.

Resilience and transition: an intimate connection

The relevance of resilience to what can be the challenging process of transition is striking. Leaders have change imposed upon them through, for example, merger or acquisition, or they may be moving into new roles, to new organisations, new cultures, or new countries. During these transitions they need to rediscover their internal resources and call on (or build) fresh sources of resilience. The path to (re-)building resilience can be eased by written narrative and (re-)discovering purpose and meaning.

'Surviving poor leadership': new article in Coaching at Work

My article on my role as coach when I'm working with clients who have a very different concept of leadership from mine, or who are in organisations where the quality of leadership leaves something to be desired, has appeared in the Sept/Oct 2015 issue of Coaching at Work.

Building organisational wellbeing

A meaningful approach to organisational wellbeing will go significantly beyond tactics and process. Building and nurturing wellbeing has to be a way of being (albeit complemented by a set of actions) if it is to bring any significant results. It is part of the organisational culture – how people are with each other. Wellbeing is everyone’s issue: it is systemic.

'Become the Leader You Are': review by Mark McMordie

Mark McMordie, Director of Coaching at coaching company Coachmatch, reviews Lindsay's e-book 'Become the Leader You Are: Self-Leadership through Executive Coaching'

'Under the Influence': new article in Coaching at Work

My article on my own influence (and what happened when I found myself having an opinion rather than staying dispassionate) in coaching sessions has been published in the July/August 2015 issue of Coaching at Work magazine.

Highly Commended in Coaching at Work awards

At Coaching at Work magazine's annual conference on 1st July 2015 Lindsay was awarded Highly Commended for Coaching at Work's award 2015 in the category Best Thought Leadership Article/Series.

The challenge of leadership: what’s needed now?

The recent Sadler Heath event 'What's Needed Now?' - focused on an 'exploration of listening for the right thing to do' - highlighted big themes for me in relation to the role of leadership, responsibility, dialogue, and connection with the system.

Review of e-book 'Become the Leader You Are'

In this review of the e-book by Lindsay Wittenberg - 'Become the leader You Are' - Dr Carole Pemberton, Visiting Professor at the University of Ulster Business School, comments that it is as valuable for coaches as it is for leaders. She remarks that In this short but impactful book Lindsay shows her passion for leadership and for coaching as a means by which leaders can learn to be more at ease in their leadership of themselves and others.

Clear the Undergrowth: new article in Coaching at Work

A client who had lost her role as a high-potential in dramatic circumstances may have needed counselling - but her coach realised that even more than this she needed some straightforward, practical career coaching. See Lindsay's article 'Clear the Undergrowth' in Coaching at Work

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