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‘They just aren’t hearing me’

‘I know how it should be done, but my boss won’t engage with me on it’

‘I’ve always been very capable, so they didn’t recognise when I needed help’

‘I communicate well with senior people, but how do I reach those further down the line?’

On the edge of burnout

One of these people is on the verge of burnout, brought to the brink by his response to an extremely demanding project, and in the process losing his sense of boundaries and so losing sleep, wellbeing and health. Well-established in his organisation, he’s always been seen as highly competent and well able to take whatever comes. When business escalated he became totally focused on the work, taking only very short periods of downtime from work – characterised by poor sleep, and losing his habits of exercise and a healthy diet. No-one seemed to notice the condition he was in – and when he asked for help he was offered a dismissive piece of advice. Now recovering slowly, he’s disappointed at the gap that seems to have opened up in his mind between his commitment to his organisation and his disappointment at not being heard.

Thinking more analytically

Another of these comments was made by an executive making her way through a glittering and multifaceted career, now in a new role, who had become well used to mixing with very senior people. She had a fine political (small p!) nose, a striking humility and a capacity to inspire – but as a strategic leader she was puzzled and saddened at feeling unable to think as analytically as those involved with operations rather than strategy (so she felt she missed the real meaning behind suggestions for improvement). She felt a lack of connection with those more junior to her. Feeling unheard had been an unfamiliar experience to her up till now.

Stepping back from leadership – and now unacknowledged

A third had invested so much of himself in his career and in rebuilding his depleted organisation that he burnt out. Now recovering, but having stepped back from the leadership role he had, he decided to go back part-time to an operational role. He was struggling with what he perceived to be a lack of acknowledgment and recognition for all he had done to build up the organisation over the years, and was feeling unseen and unheard, unvalued and washed up, wondering where his future lay – including confusion about whether to take early retirement.

Unheard by the boss

And a fourth was also tussling with the frustration of not being heard by his boss, who had been in the organisation for considerably longer than he had, but who could not match the stellar performance of this direct report. The established order of who got listened to meant that the direct report felt stifled and unheard, frustrated that his ideas ended up in dead ends.

Lonely when you’re nearly at the top

All these talented people feel a sense of isolation – lonely (nearly) at the top of their organisations – either because their perceived currency has diminished from when they actually were at the top, or because it has been inconvenient to hear them, or because established hierarchies and power structures don’t allow their voices to be heard and their true value to be released.

Coming back from the lonely voice in the wilderness

How then to be heard, to come back from being the lonely voice in the wilderness?

As with all complex questions, there is no simple, linear answer. The way through is a combination of interrelated factors.

Build on self-awareness

One useful starting point is to build on self-awareness, to have the courage to face your own uncomfortable emotions, to understand in more depth your thinking patterns and the decisions that have led to this point (assumptions in particular are very useful to identify and address), to be alert to your habitual, unthought-through responses to familiar situations (especially stressful situations), to become aware of what you need in all senses – social, emotional, spiritual, and physical at the very least. Build your mindfulness so that you hone your awareness without judging yourself.

Systemic awareness

Be aware too of what’s going on systemically: notice what and who are impacting on you, and what and who you are impacting on. Be conscious of the history that has led to this point, and what it means both to you and to those around you. Notice what it takes to belong in this environment, and how you respect (or not) those behaviours, and the impact of your response on yourself and others.

Find your voice

Be clear with yourself what you want to articulate and to whom, and create a strategy for doing that. If it seems impossible to be able to express what you want to say in the appropriate place, examine the impact of that for you, look at the priorities and values you’re living out, and take an action (how ever small) based on what you learn from that.

Multiple perspectives

Given the complexity of such situations, manage your thinking differently so as to take multiple perspectives: look inwards and look outwards from a variety of viewpoints, stand in a variety of positions (even literally) to broaden and deepen your view, and open your mind to any and all opportunities for change. Expand your scope for compassion for others and for yourself.

Your intuition and wisdom

And importantly, listen well to the small, still voice inside – the timid deer that emerges into the clearing of the forest – that represents your intuition and your wisdom that may not have been heard before.

Photo by Ilmicrofono Oggiono via Compfight

Why don't you hear me?

Talented people may feel a sense of isolation – lonely (nearly) at the top of their organisations - either because their perceived currency has diminished, or because it has been inconvenient to hear them, or because established hierarchies and power structures don’t allow their voices to be heard and their true value to be released. There is no simple, linear solution: the answer lies in a blend of self-awareness, mindfulness, systemic awareness, finding your voice, multiple perspectives to broaden your thinking, and listening to your intuition and your wisdom.

The end and the beginning

My article 'The end and the beginning' - Coaching at Work's reflection column in the March/April issue - takes as its context the Buddhist wisdom that what the caterpillar perceives as the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning. I consider my contrasting experience in working with, on the one hand, clients who have real energy for change, and, on the other, clients who resist change. Both endings and beginnings need respect for their time and their process.

The uncertain and the unknown

Uncertainty is an inevitable part of both our personal lives and our organisational lives. Self-awareness, self-understanding, and awareness of the systems we’re part of give us a foundation of ‘the known’ in a context where much may be unknown. This, in turn, can give us a greater sense of safety and agency. In addition, the acceptance of what is – acceptance of the now – is perhaps the most powerful source of calm in the turbulence of uncertainty. Mindfulness – awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally - encourages focus and distances us from distracting thoughts and emotions. Not only is it relaxing, but it also nurtures a quiet confidence in the present moment.

Humility and the advancement of the executive career

Humility is the capacity to recognise that you – how ever junior to me – offer something (a talent, a skill, an insight) that I don’t have, and that in that sense you are important to my success as a leader, and to our success as a team and as an organisation. Indeed, I am dependent on you – no matter in how small a way - in the system that we are all part of. Humility can be a key - albeit surprising - factor in the advancement of executive careers. More and more organisations are recognising the value of – and are recruiting for – talent that demonstrates the ability to be humble.

Inconvenient truths

My latest article, in Coaching at Work magazine's reflection column (Jan/Feb 2019 edition), looks at our reluctance as human beings to face uncomfortable facts, and the implications for organisational behaviour, especially where this can be counterproductive, or lead to ignoring obvious truths, such as poor leadership or distress in a team. I believe my role as external coach carries responsibility to surface and illuminate what may be hidden or opaque, to peel away layers of wilful blindness and enable sight of reality, which can be uncomfortable, confronting and liberating for my clients

Authority, courage and the leader

There's an interconnection between a leader stepping appropriately into their authority, on the one hand, and their courage, on the other. An effective leader understands their team and their client group, and is able to stay up to date with their needs, changes in those needs, and changes in the context and the system that impact on those needs: they are in touch with the ebb and flow – and act on it - without getting sucked in to the detail, and they can anticipate and prepare for changes. This takes courage.

Who am I? Shifting the focus

My latest article has been published in Coaching at Work magazine's reflection column. In it I explore the question that leaders sometimes put to themselves (and to their coaches): ‘Who am I if I don’t have the answers?’ The question is about both identity and performance – at the very least. While a leader is judged on the results they achieve, achieving outcomes rests in turn on a broader underpinning than just getting things right - notably process, meaning and system.

Trust and transition

Trust is a fragile commodity, and is damaged when the psychological contract (even more than the formal contract) is not respected and/or there is abuse of goodwill, when people feel exploited, disrespected or manipulated, when they have a sense that there’s a hidden agenda, or when they start to question what they had taken for granted about integrity. The outcome may be reduced motivation, performance that is restrained, constrained or diminished, and commitment that is short-lived or superficial. When trust is justified, discretionary effort, engagement and motivation are sustained and built. This is all highly relevant at a time of transition. As a leader you ignore the impact of trust at your peril.

Leading through systemic complexity

The task of leadership in our time is increasingly often described as complex – and leaders are often challenged as to how to deal with it. Leaders whom I work with arrive sooner or later at the realisation that question(s) they bring to coaching are either obviously or surprisingly complex, requiring a holistic approach to address them. Those whose behavioural pattern is to rush towards quick answers can find the exploration of what’s actually happening to be confronting, frustrating, uncomfortable – and rich in learning. In complexity what matters is strengthening relationships between people, recognising and understanding influences and forces rather than exerting control, accepting emergence rather than being focused on planning for outcomes, and a readiness to work with boundaries and perspectives rather than a sense of objective truth.

What's the difference? My article in Coaching at Work

In the Coaching at Work conference session I ran in July 2018, we set out to explore differences and connections between generations. Generation Z guests wanted to be recognised as individuals and to have their diversity valued, rather than focus on their differences as a group from the rest of the population. And coaches reflected that coaching students was no different from coaching anyone else. So what's the difference?

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