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Presence and gravitas for leadership

Clients aspiring to take a step up the leadership ladder sometimes want to use their coaching to build presence and gravitas, so that they can motivate and inspire others more effectively. Few of them find it easy to put into words exactly what they mean by presence and gravitas: they simply know and feel when they’re in the company of, or led by, a leader who has those qualities. Their interest is prompting me to reflect on the real meaning of those terms, and the beginnings of my reflections are set out here.

Leadership is about ‘being’ as much as doing

I’m struck by the fact that most of the literature on leadership focuses on how an effective leader behaves, what they do and the mechanics of how they communicate, much of which is actually about efficiency rather than effectiveness. There’s relatively little in the literature about how a leader ‘is’. However, ‘being’ is what accounts for how they make those around them feel. I find this striking because how people feel underlies their motivation, their engagement, their capacity to build high-performing teams and their own effectiveness and quality of performance – and yet leaders often either don’t see ‘being’ as significant or don’t understand what it means.

Presence: what is it?

Personal presence is a way of being (for more on this see ‘Mindfulness for Coaches: An experiential guide’ by Michael Chaskalson and Mark McMordie, and the work of Dr Daniel J Siegel). Most obviously it’s about unwavering authenticity, integrity, non-judgmental awareness of, and openness to, all aspects of one’s environment (internal and external, in every possible sense), and acceptance.

Authenticity

Authenticity is about being who you are, being comfortable in your own skin, behaving in accordance with what feels true and what you believe in, and being at ease with what you have to say. It means having both the courage and ease, and the constancy and integrity to stay true to your values, and believing in the value of your contribution.

There’s a grounded quality to authenticity which is neither strident nor directive, but which comes from a calm ease with living who you are.

Integrity

Integrity is in play when individual, team, group or organisational behaviour consistently aligns with the values claimed, and the concerns expressed (for example, organisations are increasingly expressing concern for climate change and the environment: does the way they function day to day reflect that concern?). A leader who behaves with integrity engenders trust and respect that invisibly nurture engagement and discretionary effort – and a cascade effect.

Awareness

Awareness goes both deep and wide. Importantly, it’s about a capacity to stay aware, in the present moment, of what ‘is’ without being distracted by extraneous thoughts, judgments or concerns. It encompasses self-awareness (including awareness of one’s own emotions and motivations, inhibitors and fears, internal experience and external experiences) and self-acceptance, awareness of others (paying attention to the reactions and responses of other people), and systemic awareness (noticing relationships between people, and between people and beliefs and attitudes that influence behavioural patterns).

Acceptance

Depth of awareness leads to depth of understanding and an ability to be with whatever ‘is’ – and critically, to be open and receptive to whatever arises in the moment – an acceptance that whatever is is. It includes both self-acceptance and an ability to tolerate and ‘be with’ uncertainty, ambiguity, and psychological discomfort without feeling compelled to order or organise it. It isn’t complacency or compliance with what may be wrong or unacceptable. On the contrary, facing the reality of what ‘is’ is the starting point for change.

Peace

It seems to me that presence builds confidence because it relates to congruence and peace within ourselves.

Gravitas: what is it?

At its heart, gravitas results in impact and influence through the power of communication and the impact of relationships. It conveys a sense of authority, substance and weight. Contributing factors to gravitas are presence, behaviour and expertise – and they are all necessary conditions. So gravitas combines being with doing and communicating.

What difference does gravitas make?

The effect of gravitas is often measured by the response of an audience to a piece of communication, such as a lecture or a presentation: an individual with gravitas is influencing effectively, their audience is listening and remembers the individual’s message, and they are inspired to take action.

However, my observation is that the impact of gravitas goes beyond single instances of communication: from what I have seen and experienced, gravitas engenders deep-seated and long-lasting trust and engagement, and inspires people to achieve more on an ongoing basis. Gravitas put to good use rests on integrity: without integrity gravitas can still be at work but can lead to sinister outcomes, so beware!

How can we develop gravitas?

A useful start to developing gravitas is both to be aware of and live the scope of your expertise, your knowledge and your wisdom, and through self-belief and self-knowledge, language, and body language.

Self-belief and self-knowledge

An individual with gravitas knows and believes in themselves, their message and the value of their contribution: they have stepped into their authority, and they occupy the space it gives them. They connect with their audience in a ‘felt’ relationship, they care about what they’re communicating, and this, together with their confidence in their value and worth conveys itself through they way they speak and the non-verbal messages they transmit through their body language.

Body language

The voice is relatively low-pitched, breathing tends to be slow and deep, they move smoothly, and the individual is still when standing or sitting. They make few expansive hand and arm gestures and they stand firm, straight and tall, with their weight evenly balanced and their chest open.

Speech

You will notice that someone whom you experience as having gravitas uses simple, clear language and no jargon – language that speaks directly to their audience, because they understand that audience. Their pace is steady, calm and unrushed (which conveys thoughtfulness, and comes from being purposeful and acting with awareness), they make ample use of silence and pauses, and they hold eye contact. They make their points succinctly and without rambling, and they focus on the heart of the message they want to convey. They stop talking when they’ve made their point.

Humour and humanity

And yet gravitas doesn’t necessarily mean being serious, cold or dull: humour and humanity play their part.

Think the Dalai Lama, Gandhi or perhaps Angela Merkel. Identify leaders in your own context who have gravitas and see what you can add to, or change about, this brief look at presence and gravitas.

Photo by John Hain via Compfight

Presence and gravitas

Leadership is at least as much about being as about doing - so a leader’s presence and gravitas help resource them to motivate and inspire others. Personal presence is most obviously about authenticity, integrity, non-judgmental awareness of, and openness to, all aspects of one’s environment (internal and external), and acceptance and self-acceptance. Gravitas results in impact and influence through the power of communication and the impact of relationships. It conveys a sense of authority, substance and weight, but also includes humanity and humour. Contributing factors to gravitas are presence, behaviour and expertise – and they are all necessary conditions. In other words, gravitas combines being with doing and communicating.

Keeping quiet and carrying on - or finding your voice

When most of us see or hear - or indeed experience - behaviour by our leaders at work that lacks integrity, justice or humanity, our usual response is to keep our heads down and carry on, fearing the penalties if we speak up. When we have an emotional reaction to what we've witnesed, as long as we don’t act, both the injustice and our own lack of action may continue to rankle. So we get caught in a double bind: it’s too dangerous to speak out, and it’s too uncomfortable not to speak out. Speaking up can require significant courage. As an executive coach, I’m privileged to be able to provide a safe space in which leaders engage with the risky process of finding their voices, articulating their own truths, becoming more of who they are – and in the process becoming more effective and compelling leaders, invariably with greater integrity and humanity.

Saying goodbye to the glitter

My article 'Saying goodbye to the glitter' has been published in the November 2019 issue of Coaching at Work. When a very high achiever is obliged, or has chosen, to move on from the peak of their career, the experience can be akin to a bereavement. They can experience their sense of identity, their sense of belonging, their sense of meaning and the knowledge that they are making a difference as at risk: they need to recreate their sense of self.

The loneliness of the long distance runner

Leaders who are at the peak of their careers, while anticipating or indeed experiencing the fulfilment of achievement, are frequently lonely, isolated and lacking the safety of honest conversations. They feel deeply the pressure of expectation. They have inadequate opportunity amid the intensity of pressure and complexity to have safe conversations in which to maintain or create clarity about what they really want to do. At some point for leaders in all such situations, the need and search for ‘self’ becomes imperative: they need to rediscover - or indeed discover – themselves in order to articulate their choices and manage those choices. They realise they can reduce the loneliness by articulating and sharing ‘what is’ with a compassionate yet challenging coach with whom they feel safe, connected and trusting, and who has no vested interest in their challenge.

Influencing through compassion

The need for the leader and the manager to influence effectively has always been important. Now, however, their contexts are becoming more uncertain and more challenging. I’m coming across more instances of lack of integrity at senior levels, and this poses a dilemma for the leader who wants to stand up for either the values which their organisation claims or for their own values. I'm finding that an approach for them which embraces compassion – for themselves and for others – can make all the difference.

Trust and safety in coaching

My article 'Trust and safety in coaching' has been published in the September edition of Coaching at Work. When a client trusts their coach they can feel safe enough to engage with their inner world - and a certain kind of magic can happen. The richness of both dialogue and data that is enabled by deep trust can uniquely empower the client to face difficult or energising truths, and can also stretch the boundaries of what they'd previously thought was possible.

Seeking purpose - and being part of the whole

Albert Einstein wrote: "A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us…” This resonates for me as I coach talented senior people who create stellar careers. Some of them realise they feel restricted because their lives don’t integrate what really matters to them. They start asking 'What’s my purpose in getting to the top?’ rather than ‘How can I get to the top?’. This is rich and fertile territory for coaching, which enables an individual, in a risk-free environment, to explore, surface, clarify and articulate what meaning and purpose is for them and to become connected to the bigger whole.

Trapped in the detail

The remit of leaders is to develop and drive strategy, and to inspire its implementation. However, those in leadership roles can find themselves trapped in the detail of the operational. If they’re inappropriately involved in these areas, their teams will lack the bigger sense of direction, perspective and focus they need. The first important step for the leader is to realise that change needs to happen, and each will find their own way of implementing that change - perhaps through mindfully reviewing old loyalties to ideas and people, or surfacing wilful blindness, or speaking truth to power. Courage and resilience are fundamental to the change that's needed, along with self-awareness and systemic awareness.

Confidence on the coaching agenda

Confidence is the result of resolving or settling issues which may be related to identity, belonging, self-esteem, self-acceptance, resilience, the culture of the client’s organisation, or indeed countless other issues which interrelate, intersect and are interdependent. It manifests in a host of different ways, including effectiveness, efficiency, assertiveness, finding one’s voice, creativity, more balanced relationships, the resolution of conflict, respect and care for one’s own wellbeing, a reduction in stress, and a sense of personal peace. Leaders who constantly build the confidence of their people see that its relationship with the successful release of potential is direct and significant.

Parallel or converging?

My article 'Parallel or converging?', published in the May/June 2019 edition of Coaching at Work, takes a geometrical look at how I interpret my own experience, the client's wellbeing, and the importance of neither projecting onto the client, nor converging nor colluding nor getting drawn in to a parllel process.

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